I’m not sure what I ever did to cause “Television’s Toughest Trainer,” Jillian Michaels, to rain down her wrath upon me.  Maybe it was the doughnuts.  Or my insatiable love of cheese.  Whatever it is, Jillian’s tough love approach is . . . well, tough.

I’ve been writing a lot on the SeenOnTV Express blog about how we all feel the impending bathing suit season approaching.  We have a choice of how we greet the body-baring summer.  We can either whip ourselves into shape through a vigorous and renewed workout regimen, or we can throw our hands into the air in resignation and throw our ample behinds on the couch.

Personally, I tend toward the second approach.

This year, though, I’ve had the luck (?) to greet the summer about 25 pounds lighter than last summer, through a top secret weight loss plan.  You, my readers, are going to get the secret of my success–stress.  I used to mock people who said they were “too busy to eat,” or “forgot to eat,” but now I’m one of those people.  And while the Stress Diet* is highly effective at shedding the pounds, it is also highly effective at shedding the muscle.

*The Stress Diet can also have the opposite effect on some individuals, causing marathon doughnut and pizza eating sessions–not necessarily simultaneously, but maybe.  Or so I’ve heard.

While I’m excited to actually fit into my bathing suits, I am a little disappointed at the complete lack of muscle tone, and the complete non-lack of cellulite that accompanies it.  Yes, folks–I have become the dreaded “skinny fat” (which I prefer to being “fat fat,” but still.)

Enter Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred.

Now, Jillian has a whole diet and fitness website whose ads you may have seen on TV.  The program at JillianMichaels.com is geared as a weight loss program, and I’m not currently looking to lose weight (it’s even weird to say that), so I didn’t really want to go that route.  I do, however, know that I have a limited amount of time in which to work out, and that if I want any results, I need to maximize that time.  Jillian Michaels has a reputation for tough workouts, and each workout in the 30 Day Shred DVD is approximately 24 minutes, including warm-up and cool-down.  I figure even someone who “doesn’t have time to eat” can manage to squeeze this workout in.

I was a little concerned that such a short workout wouldn’t seem effective, but, man alive, was I wrong.

Each workout on the 30-Day Shred is comprised of a 2 minute warm up, followed by 3 circuits, followed by a 2 minute cool down.  Each circuit is based on Jillian Michaels 3-2-1 training system:  3 minutes of strength, two minutes of cardio, 1 minute of abs.

The strength portion consists of one single-muscle group exercise (for example, pushups) and one compound exercise (for example, squats with shoulder presses).  You might think 3 minutes of that doesn’t sound so bad, but it was all I could do to finish out each strength portion of the circuits.

Next up is two minutes of cardio.  Jillian prefers old-school cardio like jumping jacks and butt-kicks.  This works out well for me, because I suffer from what you might call a Lack of Coordination.  Fancy grapevine steps or anything remotely resembling a dance move will cause me to trip and possibly damage an integral body part.  Plus, this boot-camp style cardio is very effective.

Finally, you endure one terrible minute of abs.  The great thing about ab work is that you get to lie on the floor.  Trust me–after only 5 minutes of Jillian’s 3-2-1 combination, you will be ready to flop onto the floor.  The problem is that once you are done, she makes you get back up for two more 3-2-1 circuits.

I am an astounding 3 days into my 30-Day Shred, and I can tell you that every place where a muscle should be HURTS.  I need a geriatric handrail just to lower my aching quads so I can use the bathroom.  Pure.  Torture.

And I love it.

Less than half an hour, and I’m done.

I really do believe that in 30 days, this will make a significant change in my physique, or at least in the ratio of muscle:squishiness.

As for now, my squish hurts.  Check back with SeenOnTV Express in 30 27 days to find out if I still feel the same when I’ve finished my 30-Day Shred.  Maybe by then I’ll be ready to double my efforts and take on Rip:60.

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