Ah, Thanksgiving.  A time of year to enjoy time with our families and to express gratitude for all of our blessings.  For most of us, that also means indulging in huge, home-cooked meals.  Unfortunately for some of us, our dreams of plump, moist turkey are shattered, and we must consume overcooked, dried turkey-jerky a la Clark Griswold instead.

(Note:  I wanted to include the clip of the holiday dinner scene from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, but I fear it would be a violation of copyright law.  Fortunately, fearless scofflaws have posted the video here for your viewing pleasure.)

Poor Clark.  At least his over-dry turkey was not a fire hazard.  Please note these videos of people who failed to heed our warnings last year, and who tried to cook Thanksgiving dinner without the safety and convenience of a Butterball Indoor Electric Turkey Fryer.

Exhibit A:  Oven Roasted Turkey Flambe

Exhibit B:  Archimedes Meets Turkey Frying

Lest you think these are isolated incidents, just head over to YouTube and search “exploding turkey” or “turkey fryer fire.”  Apparently, these incidents are so common that there are even public service announcements and fire department demonstrations to warn people about such fire hazards.

Two leading insurers have even based commercials around the catastrophe that is Holiday Cooking.  Allstate notes, “Trouble never takes a holiday,” with its smooth-voiced baritone spokesman standing by a turkey fryer.  State Farm went all out, hiring THE William Shatner to demonstrate proper turkey frying techniques:

Even AT&T was on the exploding turkey bandwagon with this commercial:

Seriously.  Are you getting the message yet?  Cooking is DANGEROUS.  Cooking turkey for Thanksgiving can threaten your life, your home, and your eyebrows.  If you can’t rely on an expert to cook your dinner for you, rely on a product designed by experts.  Check out innovative As Seen On TV kitchen products like the Butterball turkey fryer.  Click here to see the extensive collection in our SeenOnTV Express catalog.

If you have been reading the SeenOnTVExpress blog for any length of time, you know I’m not above a little snark when a particular product strikes me as frivolous, silly, outdated, or just plain weird.  However, I recently stumbled across another As Seen On TV blog that was ridiculing a new product that, well, frankly, I think is genius.  It is clear that the writer of the other blog does not have any small children in his or her home, or instead of sniping about the product, he/she would be ordering that puppy NOW.

The product in question is the Dog Dicer, and I think it ranks right up there in brilliance with the Disney Gyro Bowl–you know, the bowl that will not spill no matter how amped up your kid may be on Pop Rocks or Mountain Dew or whatever else grandma has been letting them have against your specific instructions.  The Dog Dicer is a product that slices and halves a hot dog in one motion, like so:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67FZKukJ6v4

Now, being well-versed in sarcasm and cynicism myself, I get the comments of the Clearly-Not-A-Parent-Blogger.  Like, using a knife is soooo hard, right?  I believe I may have even used that same line of logic on another hot dog-related product, myself (remember the Happy Hot Dog Man?).  But here’s why the Dog Dicer is different and far above my usual snide comments:  it saves time and makes safety almost idiot-proof.

As silly as it may sound to non-parental types, hot dogs are the leading cause of choking among kids.  Pediatricians warn parent to cut up hot dogs to prevent choking, because the hot dog is the same circumference as a young child’s esophagus.  There has even been proposed legislation to require changing the shape of hot dogs to prevent choking, because these windpipe-shaped sausages are practically the perfect storm of asphyxiation.  However, far too often, I have seen well-meaning parents slice their kids’ hot dogs–leaving them with smaller pieces that are still the exact same circumference and shape as the whole hot dog.  Hot dogs are supposed to be halved lengthwise prior to slicing to prevent choking.  The Dog Dicer slices lengthwise and crosswise in one motion, ensuring that the hot dog is sliced into safely-shaped pieces.

Now, a knife is perfectly suited to the task, but it takes some time.  When you’ve got a hungry and potentially cranky toddler waiting on a hot dog, everybody is happier if you get it to the table as quickly as possible.  Plus, one thing any mom could use more of is time.

I’m not sure I would have rushed right out and bought a Dog Dicer, but when they showed it quartering grapes?  Sold.  Have you ever had to quarter grapes for a toddler?  Those little suckers roll all over the place, and it takes forever.  I nearly swooned with desire when I saw that lady line up ten or so grapes, press a lever, and gloriously reveal safely chopped grapes.  Over the course of two to three years of lunches and snacks, can you imagine how much time you’d save on grapes alone?  It’s magnificent, I tell you.

I guess the moral of my story is that As Seen On TV products are generally creative ways of problem solving.  Even if a product may seem silly to you, Mr. Bachelor Infomercial Blogger, for someone out there, it is the perfect solution.*

*This in no way means I’m going to stop being snarky.  I like to make rules that apply to other people–not to myself.

I like to cook.  In fact, I like to cook so much that I’ve got a bun in my oven right now.  Unfortunately, this little nine-month baking project is making it difficult for me to do much cooking these days.  While eating isn’t much of a problem since I seem to pretty much be starving at all times, the act of actually going into my kitchen is often enough to send me running to the bathroom.  No, eating is not a problem, but the prep work itself is.  In fact, just the other morning I was feeling pretty smug about how decent I felt.  I went in to the kitchen to scramble up some eggs for the family’s breakfast.  As luck (or Murphy’s Law) would have it, my favorite omelet skillet was in the kitchen sink and needed to be washed before using.  I picked up the skillet, but lo and behold, there was DRIED FOOD STUCK TO IT.  This was enough to send me fleeing and to quickly abolish any plans I had of making breakfast for anyone.

What does this have to do with As Seen On TV and infomercial products?  Well, a lot, actually.  You see, my favorite nonstick skillet is several years old.  What once let omelets slide right on out and onto the plate is now chipped, flaked, and scratched, leaving food stuck to the pan and leaving me clinging to the sides of the toilet waiting for this first trimester to be OVER ALREADY.

I can use my pregnancy as an excuse for a lot of things:  I get to take more naps, I eat popsicles like there’s no tomorrow, I get people to lift heavy things for me, and now, I may just use it as an excuse to buy a shiny new As Seen On TV nonstick pan.

The new generation of nonstick pans shown on infomercials these days has a lot to offer over its Teflon predecessors.  And a lack of Teflon is at the top of the list.

Three of the top As Seen On TV contenders feature nonstick ceramic as a healthier alternative to nonstick coatings that scratch, chip, and flake off into your food.  The Orgreenic Cookware natural ceramic nonstick frying pan and the NuWave PerfectGreen nonstick fry pan both use a ceramic nonstick surface that prevents the release of toxins into your food while you cook.  The Yoshiblue Diamondware Skillet uses nano-ceramic infused with diamond particles to create a nontoxic, nonstick, and durable cooking surface.

The benefits of these new As Seen On TV ceramic nonstick pans are many:

• Healthier cooking by eliminating the need for added grease, oils, butter, and unhealthy fats
• Durable nonstick ceramic pans that do not flake, chip, peel, or scratch, protecting the surface of your pan and protecting you from chemicals in your food
• Do not release harmful toxins into your food
• Orgreenic cookware does not contain PFOA
• NuWave Perfect Green fry pan is BPA-free, PFOA-free, PTFE-free, and Cadmium-free
• Yoshiblue Diamondware skillet can easily be wiped clean

Pregnant or not, safe cooking is important to me and my family–and mess free clean-up ain’t too shabby either.

Now, who wants to bring me a popsicle?

If it weren’t enough trouble to try to figure out what to pack for my picky child’s lunch, I have to try to figure out how to keep that lunch cold and fresh and keep it from spoiling.  For the most part, that has led to an inordinate number of peanut butter sandwiches in the school lunch.  My son has an insulated lunch box, but it really just doesn’t keep food cold like I think it should, and let’s face it, who wouldn’t be a little suspicious of eating deli meat, milk, or yogurt that had been sitting at little better than room temperature for four hours or so?

I try putting ice packs or gel packs in the lunch box, but those can tend to squish the sandwich, they only keep the things directly in contact with them cold, and they don’t stay cold until lunch time–especially in warmer weather.  They also hog all the room I need for actual food.

I’ve been pretty unhappy with lunch box choices so far, but the As Seen On TV PackIt “go anywhere mini-fridge” may just be the answer to my lunch-packing prayers.

This As Seen On TV product is more than an insulated lunch bag.  In fact, the PackIt itself is the cooling pack.  Keep PackIt in your freezer, and when you are ready to pack your lunch, pull the cold bag out of your freezer and fill it with whatever you like.  The PackIt insulated bag has the cooling technology built-in.  The cold  completely surrounds your food, keeping it refrigerator-cold for up to 10 hours.  When you use the PackIt for taking lunch on the go, you can pack meats, cheeses, yogurt, milk, and even smoothies to keep them cold and fresh until lunch time . . . and beyond.

PackIt is also great for taking drinks and snacks to the park, the zoo, or the game.  Keep sports beverages ice cold on a hot day.

Another great use for PackIt is storing and transporting baby bottles.  I wish the PackIt had been around when I was a new mom.  I wouldn’t have to be paranoid about keeping milk cold, and it would be a great convenience for nursing moms who have to pump at work.  Simply and discreetly store bottles of milk to take home from the office.

Of course, these days people are looking for ways to live a “greener” lifestyle.  Reusable lunch bags are definitely one way to reduce waste.  PackIt is great for eco-conscious people who want to feed their families fresh, wholesome foods and who do not want to contribute to environmental waste through disposable bags.

It is not often that I get really excited about a product, but the PackIt insulated bag, with its promise of keeping food cold for ten hours, is something I can get behind.

What will you pack in your PackIt?

As Easter weekend approaches, I am beginning to dread the Boiling of the Eggs that occurs shortly before my family’s Egg Decorating Egg-stravaganza.  I always read about “how to perfectly boil eggs,” and although my personal method delivers relatively consistent results, I would not go so far as to say I get perfect eggs every time.

Now, I don’t really worry about it so much with the eggs we decorate, since after those have been hidden and hunted, I’m not too big on serving them.  But when it comes to making eggs to eat–whether soft boiled, hard boiled, sliced, deviled, or diced–I’d prefer it if the eggs were cooked the way I intended.  If you are going to be serving deviled eggs to your mother-in-law at Easter brunch, you don’t want to be serving a platter of runny undercooked eggs or dry, rubbery overcooked eggs.  And if you are serving a crowd, you sure don’t want to spend an entire afternoon peeling eggs only to have some persnickety cousin chomp into a crunchy bit of shell.

As with everything else, As Seen On TV products offer “egg-cellent” solutions to your egg cooking dilemmas.  Whether cooking or peeling is your nemesis, kitchen products from SeenOnTVExpress can simplify your egg prep.

If you need to leave the shell intact for decorating purposes, try steam cooking your eggs instead of boiling them with the Egg Genie Automatic Egg Cooker.  The Egg Genie steams up to seven eggs at a time, using sound and light indicators to let you know when your eggs are perfectly cooked, eliminating the guesswork.   No longer do you have to mess with large pots of boiling water–just fill the reservoir with water, set the timer, and enjoy “boiled” eggs in just minutes.

If you do not need the shell, or do not want to mess with peeling dozens of eggs, try Eggies instead.  With the Eggies hard-boiled egg system, you simply crack the eggs into the Eggies container and boil your eggs.  The special nonstick Eggies containers twist open, and your hard boiled eggs slide right out–no messy peeling involved.

Of course, these egg-straordinary solutions are not limited to boiled eggs alone.  For cracking raw eggs without getting shell in your food, try the EZ Cracker egg cracker.  The EZ Cracker neatly cracks your eggs without crushing the shell.  It is perfect for fried eggs, adding eggs to batter, separating the yolk from the white, and even peeling hard cooked eggs.

I continue to contend that whatever the problem, there is an As Seen On TV solution.  With not one but three options for easy egg cooking in our Seen On TV catalog, I rest my case.

As the SeenOnTV Express blogger, I’m constantly being made aware of the newest, hottest As Seen On TV products.  While some of the products don’t necessarily appeal to me, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t frequently stumble across a product that I just have to have.  As Seen On TV beauty products, kitchen products, exercise equipment, fitness videos, and comfort items all make my list.  With the holidays just around the corner, I thought it would be a perfect time to share some of my favorite products–the ones I hope show up under my Christmas tree.  After all, Santa knows I’ve been very good this year.  Well–at least he knows I tried.

As Seen On TV Christmas List

• Forever Lazy – I’m not gonna lie.  This looks super cozy and comfortable.  For someone who works from home, this would be the perfect gift.  I may never wear actual clothes again.  At least until spring.
• Instyler – If I’m not mistaken, this made my list last year, but I didn’t find it in my stocking.  I think if I’m going to be spending my days in a giant, adult sized onesie, at least my hair should look good.
• Flex Seal – I know–household products shouldn’t really be on a Christmas list.  Next thing you know I’ll be asking for a blender.  But I really, really want to make a boat out of a screen door.
• Ninja Kitchen Blender – Yep.  I told you I’d be asking for a blender next.  I have a blender already.  It even has a food processing bowl.  But it is not this cool.  Not. At. All.
• Flex Mini – Seriously.  I can tone my butt without ever doing a single squat?  Sign me up.
• Any of the Beachbody videos - I don’t really like to work out, but I do really like to eat.  If I’m going to work out, I want it to be worth my time and energy.  I want it to feel like a workout, and I want results.  Beachbody workouts like P90x, Insantity, TurboFire, and Chalean Extreme are effective workouts for people who aren’t afraid to work hard to get results fast.

If I’ve been good enough this year, expect to see me in January, recovering from my Insanity workout by mixing up a healthy detox smoothie in my Ninja Kitchen Blender while wearing Forever Lazy and getting a workout boost from my Flex Mini.  And, gurrrl, my hair will look goooood.

It seems like more and more, our perception of what is healthful and nutritious is changing.  Workouts used to be aerobics driven, and “toning” consisted of high repetitions of low weights.  Now, both men and women are encouraged to build lean muscle through intensive weight training to build muscle and boost metabolism.  As Seen On TV workout videos have changed their focus from Jazzercise type aerobics videos to boot camp style, high intensity workouts like Insanity and P90X.

Nutrition recommendations have changed as well.  We used to fear eating eggs because they are loaded with cholesterol, but now doctors have determined that the cholesterol from foods does little to affect the cholesterol in our bodies.  We used to shun fats at all costs, but now we are encouraged to consume healthy fats that protect our hearts, such as the fats in walnuts, avocados, and Omega-3 fatty acids which promote healthy brain function.

To help incorporate healthy antioxidants from fruits and vegetables and plant-based “good fats,” nutritionists have long recommended drinking smoothies.  However, it is important to be careful when relying on smoothies for healthy eating, because those from restaurants, fast food chains, and specialty smoothie shops are often laden with hidden fat, sugar, and calories.  For the optimum nutrition from smoothies, health experts recommend blending your own smoothies at home.

As Seen On TV juicers and blenders have long been popular for making delicious smoothies easily.  Juicers such as the Jack LaLanne Power Juicer, the Sharper Image Super Juicer, and the Living Well Healthmaster Emulsifier allow you to quickly take the nutritious juice from fruits and veggies while separating pulp, seeds, and other unwanted portions.

Juicers are great for making nutrient-rich juices from whole foods, but many people simply don’t have the counter space or storage space for yet another appliance.  The Ninja Kitchen System is a great new solution.  The Ninja is more than a blender or juicer.  In fact, with its two containers and five attachments, the Ninja does the work of your blender, food processor, juicer, mixer, and more.  The Ninja comes with a 72 ounce blender pitcher and a 40 ounce processing bowl.  Its five attachments include:

• Blending blade
• Food processing blade
• Whisk attachment
• Dough hook
• Dough paddle

With the Ninja, you can make not only smoothies, but also salsas, soups, pizza dough, and even ice cream.  By making these items at home, you can be certain of the ingredients included and know that there are no added preservatives, hidden fats, or extra sugar.  Make foods as low fat, high fiber, and healthy as you want.

Smoothies are also a great way to sneak nutrition to your kids.  While they may not be likely to eat a plate full of vegetables, you can sneak those same veggies into a fruit-filled smoothie.  Boost brain-building DHA by adding Omega-rich flaxseed to a smoothie, or ramp up the fiber content by adding a tablespoon or two of wheat germ.

With the Ninja blender, you can make smoothies, granitas, frozen drinks, juices, and even ice cream–all low fat and full of vitamins and minerals–and you can have them as quickly as the press of a button.

Raise a glass to healthy living!

Last week I wrote about As Seen On TV kitchen products, and this week is more of the same–although with a twist.  Last week I talked about getting ready for holiday cooking with the Butterball Indoor Electric Turkey Fryer, but this week, I have a more pressing cooking engagement on my mind.  This weekend I’ll be throwing a birthday party.  A 40th birthday party.  Which means I’ll have to make cake.  Which means I need some As Seen On TV bakeware, pronto.  But I’ll get to that in a minute.

See, because this is a 40th birthday party, we’ve decided to go with an 80′s theme.  It’s like Halloween, only earlier and for old people.  Anyway, I’ve been trying to find ways to make this a truly memorable party, even though the guest of honor may soon begin losing his memory as he gets really, really old.

First, I need a costume.  By costume,  I mean I need to raid my clothing in storage to see if anything still fits.  I considered wearing a fitness getup like one from a 1980′s infomercial exercise video:

Then I remembered that no one wants to see me in a leotard.

I know we’re going to have an 80′s soundtrack playing all night, and so I thought one of the Time Life Music compilations might just fit the bill for our evening of New Wave, One Hit Wonders, and Hair Bands.

I thought maybe I could practice some sweet dance moves with the 1980′s infomercial break dance tutorial by Alfonso Ribeiro, “Pop and Lock:”

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPWzDsS2oaw

Then I remembered the only thing I’m likely to break is a hip.

So I’m settling for making a Pac Man cake.  I figure it can’t be to hard to mess up, right?  I mean, I bake a round cake, cut out a wedge, and frost it yellow.  What could possibly go wrong?

Except I decided that if I have a Pac Man, I need a Ghost.  So . . . okay.  I make a rectangle cake and cut it into the shape of a Pac Man Ghost, then frost it pink or blue.  Okay.  I think I’ve still got it.  No problem.

Except I decided that if I have a Pac Man and a Ghost, then I need some Power Pellets to connect them.  Why do I do this to myself?

Luckily, the Power Pellets should be about the easiest part of this cake.  Maybe even easier than Pac Man, because I can almost guarantee I won’t be able to frost it smoothly and there will be crumbs all in the icing.  Why am I convinced the Power Pellets will be so easy?  Because I’m making CAKE POPS.

Now, traditionally, cake pops or cake balls are simple but time consuming.  They involve baking a cake, crumbling it, mixing in frosting, chilling, rolling a bazillion balls, dipping, more chilling . . . you get the picture.  But even though I keep adding to my party t0-do list, I’m not one for time consuming projects.

Enter Bake Pop and Tasty Top Cake Pops.  These two new As Seen On TV cake pop baking pans will let me make perfectly round Power Pellets without any crumbling or rolling.  I can just pour the cake batter into the bakeware, bake it, and I’ll have the most enviable (and delicious) Power Pellets around.

Now–it’s off to find a crimper and some industrial strength hairspray.  It’ll be, like, totally awesome.

Finally . . . finally . . . we’ve had a break in the weather.  No longer are our temperatures reaching triple digits, but we’ve been blessed with gorgeous, sunny days with highs in the low 80s.  I’ve seen a few people jump the gun a bit and venture out in their furry boots and scarves, but these sweaty fashionistas should perhaps wait until it gets really cold–like 65–to start pulling out their winter wear.

Though it’s not quite time for winter clothes yet,Autumn is indeed just around the corner.  In fact, the first day of Fall is only two days away.  That means you only have a few days to enjoy the start of the cooler season before you have to get wrapped up in the holiday frenzy.  After all, there are only 94 days until Christmas and only 64 until Thanksgiving.  It is time to get a jump on your holiday cooking with some of the many As Seen On TV kitchen products available to make your food prep easier and your recipes more delicious.

The first holiday approaching us is Halloween, and though it doesn’t require nearly the kitchen effort of all-out-gorgefests like Thanksgiving, you will need some fun, spooky goodies if there are little ghosts and goblins running around your house.  Make show-stopping treats without turning into a witch with Tasty Top Cake Pops.  Cake pops, cake truffles, and cake balls are all the rage right now, but they are traditionally very time consuming to make.  Tasty Top Cake Pops let you make a lighter, fluffier version quickly and easily.  Just pour any batter into the Cake Pops bakeware, and perfectly round cake pops will bake.  Insert the sticks and decorate.  For Halloween, try orange frosting to make jack-o-lantern cake pops, white frosting to make ghosts or skulls, and green for a witch.  Top the witch with a “hat” made of a chocolate cookie and a chocolate kiss candy.

Once your trick-or-treaters have come and gone, it’s time to think about planning your Thanksgiving menu.  Integral to almost any American Thanksgiving dinner is a moist, tender, golden turkey.  Unfortunately, too many of us suffer through overcooked turkey, or–as I like to call it–”turkey jerky.”  Deep fried turkey has become a popular way to prepare the centerpiece of the meal, but traditionally, deep frying a turkey has been a task fraught with peril.  Hot oil and open flames, just don’t mix, as we discovered in an earlier post about exploding turkeys.

Of course, As Seen On TV cooking products come to the rescue with the Butterball Indoor Electric Turkey Fryer.  The Butterball Fryer lets you deep fry a turkey without the hazard, removing the open flame and allowing you to cook indoors.  Perfect turkey can be yours with the Butterball Indoor Turkey Fryer, sparing your guests from turkey jerky and sparing you from your mother-in-law’s snide comments about your cooking ability.

What are you waiting for?   The countdown to the holidays is well underway!

I’m intrigued by the Flex Seal commercial.  You know, the one where the guy makes a boat out of a screen door by sealing it with the  liquid rubber sealant?

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCKbowib9I4

I’m amazed.  Awestruck.  I totally want to get a screen door and see if I can make it float.

That’s one of the things I love about infomercial product demonstrations.  Not only do they point out the difficulties in every day tasks (“Why, now that you mention it, my blanket IS complicated.”), but they show you how effective a product is by using it for a purpose no one will ever need.  Like making a boat out of a screen door–which, now that I think of it, might be a good idea in case of flooding.  I wonder how Hurricane Irene would stand up to Flex Seal?

Intentional misuse of As Seen on TV products for demonstration purposes has been around as long as infomercials themselves.  The original Ginsu knife infomercial from 1978 shows the knife being abused in all sorts of ways.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abLB7aTmnE4

Let’s see . . . I can use my Ginsu knife to:

1. Cut an aluminum can, because you never know when you might need slices of aluminum.
2. Slice bread so thin you can see through it, because who really wants bread interfering with their sandwich?
3. Chop wood, because using a knife is totally easier than using an ax.

You can even hammer your Ginsu knife.  What better way to take out kitchen aggression than hammering the handle of your utensils?

Ginsu may have started the Product Abuse as Demonstration, but they sure aren’t the only ones to effectively utilize this technique.

Krazy Glue takes job site safety to new . . . heights.

• Mighty Putty can pull an 80,000 pound tractor trailer.
• Miracle Blade III can slice a pineapple.  In mid-air.
• The Blendtec blender can pulverize your cell phone.
• The Oreck and Dyson vacuums can pick up a bowling ball.
• Speaking of bowling balls, you can drop one on a Simmons Beautyrest mattress without knocking over the pins.

And just watch the first few seconds of this Billy Mays OxiClean commercial:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jkwQV_5Kb0

You can remove stains from a bowl of water.  A BOWL.  OF WATER.

Amazing.

You have to admit that these crazy testing methods are certainly attention-getting.  I mean, if I have to run over the same piece of popcorn fifteen times with my vacuum (before picking it up, inspecting it, and throwing it back on the floor for another couple of vacuum passes), then maybe I’d be more satisfied with a vacuum that could suction up a bowling ball.  And if my blender can puree my wireless communication device, just imagine what it could do for my smoothies.

It’s important to think of all these contingent uses for your As Seen on TV products.  After all, you wouldn’t want to get stuck up a creek without a screen door.