It has been nearly ten months since Seen on TV Express began bringing you the Way Back Wednesday series, in which we look back at vintage infomercials and the products they marketed to television viewers.  In that time, we have looked at hair products, kitchen products, exercise equipment, fitness videos, and a slew of gizmos and gadgets designed to simplify your life.  We have even paid homage to a couple of the heroes of direct response marketing and infomercial innovations:  Billy Mays and Jack LaLanne.  We have failed, however, to bring you the origin of perhaps the most frequently used sound bite in as seen on TV marketing . . . “But wait!  There’s more!”

This ubiquitous catch phrase got its start with the iconic Ginsu knife, one of the earliest products sold through infomercial marketing. The commercial for Ginsu knives first aired in 1978, and it pulled out all the stops, setting the tone for virtually every other infomercial since.  Ad copywriter Arthur Schiff coined the classic phrase when writing the Ginsu commercial, one of the 1,800 long form commercials he wrote in a career that spanned more than thirty years.  Watch the original Ginsu commercial here, and note how many techniques and phrases are still utilized today by pitchmen including Anthony Sullivan:

Here are just a few I noticed:

• “Cultural” significance of the product (although it should be noted that Ginsu knives were made in the United States and that “Ginsu” is not a Japanese word at all, but rather one invented by Arthur Schiff–allegedly in his sleep)
• Inability to perform simple tasks without the product (of course, karate chopping a tomato is rarely effective, but note our post devoted to “doing it wrong” in infomercials.
• Using the product in ways no one would ever initially attempt (until they got the idea to chop wood with a kitchen knife from the commercial itself)
• More for less (“You get all this for only $9.99)
• And of course, “But wait!  There’s more!”

Marketing consultant John Witek, author of Response Television: Combat Advertising of the 1980s, sums it up this way:   “Ginsu had humor, demonstration, and a precisely structured series of premium offers I call ‘the lots-for-a-little approach.”  Arthur Schiff was really on to something when he wrote the Ginsu commercial.  For more than thirty years, direct response marketing has followed his model for infomercial sales techniques.

For the past few weeks, we’ve been spotlighting ways to get a prepare for the warmer weather by getting a Springalicious body (it’s a word–feel free to use it).  As women all across America are primping and pruning themselves to bare golden shoulders and smooth, tanned legs, men across our nation are drooling with anticipation.  But as their wives and their neighbors wives and that cute divorcee that just moved in down the street are prepping for swimsuit season, these men have a different type of lust on their minds–lawn lust.

For verily, the unwritten commandment, “Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Landscaping,” is being broken in households across the land.  But, lo I say unto you, fear not!  Infomercial lawn care products shall rescue you from the abyss of brown grass, patchy turf, and pernicious weeds, which are an abomination unto thy Homeowners’ Association.

There was a time when having the nicest lawn on the block required heavy, backbreaking labor and the vigilant use of a reel mower, which is, inexplicably making a comeback as a “green” alternative to finishing the yard work sometime before you die of heat stroke.

Lawn care evolution made things both easier and more difficult for Weekend Warriors in their attempt to out-green each other’s landscaping.

Notable Innovation #1:  The Riding Lawn Mower

Notable Innovation #2:  Chemical Lawn Care Services

All of the things that simplified lawn cultivation and made neighborhood yards more lush and lovely, also meant you had to work harder to keep up with Mister-I-Win-the-HOA-Beautiful-Yard-Contest-Every-Year.

Luckily, you no longer have to don a Toreador hat to get “grass with class” or hire a toothy guy wielding a chemically enhanced pogo stick to get the lawn of your dreams.

Infomercial lawn care products include not only tools to maintain a lawn, but also the necessary ingredients to get your lawn started:

• Quick Lawn promises year-round grass that is resistant to weeds, pests, and diseases, and which starts to grow in as little as one week.
• Canada Green Perfect Turf Grass is designed to be resilient, withstanding extreme temperatures ranging from -40 degrees to 120 degrees Fahrenheit.
• Patch Perfect bills itself as “like grass seed on steroids” with each seed encased in fertilizer to promote quick, hardy growth in bare patches, shade, and other areas where typical grass struggles to grow.

As seen on TV grass seed, turf patches, and fertilizers can give you a beautiful, weed-free yard that will be the envy of your neighbors–and might induce their Springalicious wives to show up at your next barbecue baring–er, bearing potato salad and brownies.

Smooth, tan, hairless legs?  Check.  Toned, shapely legs?  Mm . . . not so check.  As my get-ready-for-Spring plan develops, I’m now saddled with the part I like the least.  Working out.  Time to get a beach body before I have to actually hit the beach.  Or the kiddie pool in my back yard.  Whatever.

Now, I know that working out releases endorphins, improves energy, promotes cardiovascular health, boosts metabolism, builds muscle, and all that good stuff, but the truth is, well, I’m really pretty lazy.  Some people enjoy working out, some people work out for better health, but me?  I work out so I can eat cupcakes and still button my pants.  Of course, with as seen on TV products like the Big Top Cupcake,  I may have to step up the workouts a little more (or buy the Perfect Fit Button, whichever).

In the SeenOnTV Express neck of the woods, Spring Break will be here next week.  That means that it is just a matter of moments, practically, until I will be forced to publicly unveil my legs below the knee (even possibly *gasp* above the knee) and my batwing arms will be displayed for the world as the tank tops come out of storage.  Because of the rapidly impending fabulous weather, I need a fitness program that works and works fast.

This?  This ain’t going to cut it:

I mean, sure, I could cover my calves and ankles with leg warmers, put a thick leather belt on over my briefs to try to camouflage my waist, and divert the eye of the beholder with the sheer height of my hair, but that would be cheating, right?

(And oh-my-goodness, is that guy wearing spandex capris?!)

As much as I dislike working out, I hate working out ineffectively even more.  If I’m going to go to the effort of exerting myself in any manner, I want to feel like I’ve accomplished something, I want to look like I’ve accomplished something, and I want to see results fast.  Luckily, Beachbody Fitness understands that some of us don’t want wimpy, spandex-wielding, 80′s style bending and stretching.  Instead, we want hardcore workouts with hardcore results.  P90X is designed to give you an amazing transformation in just 90 days (in other words, by the time summer vacation hits).  Insanity is a high-intensity total body conditioning program created by expert Shaun T. to give you amazing results in only 60 days.  For those intimidated by P90X and Insanity, Shaun T. brings Hip Hop Abs, because dancing sounds a lot more fun than a workout so intense you have to be “insane” to try it.  Beachbody trainer Chalene Johnson leads ChaLEAN Extreme and TurboFire–personally, I’m leaning toward one of these two fitness programs.

For those of you who spend your workouts calling on a Higher Power to help you through (and with these intense Beachbody programs, that includes me) Beachbody also offers BodyGospel, combining spiritual and physical fitness.

Now, if I can just get the motivation to actually get off the couch and DO the workouts, instead of sitting on the couch and writing about them, I may just be able to take my legs from this:

to this:

Help me get a beach body, Beachbody!

Last week I wrote about how the warmer has got me really feeling the pressure to get fit, tan, and hairless before donning a sundress, shorts, tank tops, or *gasp* swimsuit.  With the help of seen-on-tv hair removers, the smooth part is coming into play, but I don’t yet have the energy, will power, or stamina to conquer the fit part.  That leaves me with getting a tan without destroying my skin.  Although I love to bask in the sun, it’s not yet warm enough to do so.  I’d like to have that sun-kissed glow before actually having my legs make an appearance.  I don’t want to spend two weeks blinding the neighbors with the glare off my pasty skin before a natural tan develops.  Also, I don’t want to look like this:

It’s okay.  You can go scrub your eyes out with bleach.  I’ll wait.

Now, I have a feeling that tan had its beginnings in the Eighties, when baby oil and aluminum foil were the way to get a golden, ultra-dark tan.  You know, like this most Famous Tan of All:

The evolution of the tan is interesting.  Originally, tanned skin was a sign of being poor and having to work hard.  Bonnets and hats protected faces from the ravages of the sun.  Later, a tan was a sign of a life of leisure and of good, sporty health.  But after years of baking their skin in the sun, people began to see damage from aging, spots, wrinkles, and skin cancer.  Suddenly, a tan didn’t seem so healthy . . . but it still looked good:

Why, yes, that IS me in the picture.  Funny you should ask.

(Okay.  That was a lie.)

As an effort to tan safely, people turned to salon and at home tanning beds–until they realized the same damaging rays are in electronic tans.  This early 1980′s era at home tanner is an example of the misguided measures people took to get a sunless tan:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiqkpcEL6JA

Fortunately, sunless tanning has developed (pardon the pun).  From damaging electronic tans to frighteningly orange self-tanner creams, we have evolved to smoothly applied, non-streaking sunless tanning lotions and even airbrush tans and spray tans for a natural glow, minus the orange, tanned palms that are the telltale sign of a fake bake.

Of course, infomercial sunless tanners have found a way to make sunless tanning at home easier and more effective than ever.  Solerra Tanning Mitts save your palms and give you a mess-free way to easily apply your self tanner.  For an airbrush tan without salon prices, try Luminess Airbrush Tan.

As I countdown to spring, I’ll have smooth, golden skin.  I guess I’m running out of time to get started on the whole “fit” part of it.  I don’t guess it will matter how tan and hairless I am if I look like this in my bathing suit:

Oh, never mind.  All the pictures I found would make you use up all of your bleach.  Just imagine an open can of biscuit dough shoved into a bikini.

Next week — Spring Fever III:  Fit for the Beach

Hair Remover Help You Kick off Spring with Smooth Skin

Here in our neck of the woods, we’ve gone from record lows to record highs in only a week.   With sub-arctic temps of -38 degrees one week and beautifully warm days in the 80′s the next, we’ve quite literally had a temperature swing of 120 degrees.  With the sneak preview of spring, I’ve realized that in just a few short weeks, it will be time to start thinking about things like wearing skirts without tights and boots, or (gasp) baring my legs in shorts.  This means, of course, I’ll have to start regularly removing the hair from my winter Sasquatch legs . . . and shaving higher than my knees.  Of course, shaving isn’t the only option in hair removal.  Waxing, depilatory creams and gels, even buffers can help make your legs presentable.  Or if not presentable (be sure to tune in next week to read about as seen on TV tanning options), at least smooth and hairless.

The hair remover that paved the way for every future infomercial hair remover is, of course, the unfortunately named Nad’s.  Nad’s was named for Nadine, the daughter of the hair remover’s Australian inventor.  Unfortunately, that name doesn’t translate well for American audiences.  Particularly when uttered by someone using the awkward hand motions in this early Nad’s infomercial:

I find it interesting to compare this early infomercial with the as seen on TV offerings today.  Generally, to advertise a hair remover these days, one would show off a model’s lean, sleek, hair free legs.  The early Nad’s infomercial, however, takes the interesting approach of offering the testimony of two heavyset, hirsute women with nary a smooth, bare leg in sight.

Painless Hair Remover Options

Hair remover products today offer a variety of methods, most of which promote the idea of pain-free hair removal.  Smooth Away (complete with smooth, leggy model) promotes buffing the hair away.  Hair Block is a mess-free roll on depilatory.  Other methods are similar to professional hair remover devices:  Slique replicates the ancient-yet-trendy threading, while No! No! Hair mimics a laser hair remover.

So with Spring teasing me relentlessly, I eagerly anticipate the warmer weather while simultaneously dreading the complications to my beauty and hygiene routine.  No more hiding under bulky sweaters and long pants.  Warm weather means bare skin, and for this pasty, pudgy, slighly prickly writer, it means it’s time to break out the hair remover, the self tanner, and break out Insanity to get fit quick.

But that’s a lot of change from my lethargic winter cocoon.  Let’s not get too crazy yet.  Baby steps.

First, the hair remover.  Everything else follows.

Fight Arctic Chill and Your Heating Bill with Heat Surge

As I write this post, we are preparing for a winter storm predicted to dump approximately a foot of snow–for the second time in a week.  The current wind chill is -5 degrees, which will seem downright balmy tomorrow when the actual temp bottoms out at -3.   As someone who positively hates to be cold, I can hear the central heat blasting away, and I while I’m cozy now, I dread the utility bill coming my way next month.  So for today’s Way Back Wednesday, we’re going to take our inspiration from people who relish the past.  With superior craftsmanship, the Amish have added old world style to modern BTUs with the Heat Surge Hand Crafted Amish Electric Fireplace.

Heat Surge Flameless Electric Fireplace Provides Warmth, Beauty, and Safety

I love to curl up in front of a crackling fire.  In fact, I would love a roaring fire in the fireplace right now.  However, I’m always skeptical of building a fire late at night.  First of all, there’s the hassle of building the fire to start with.  By the time it reaches an appropriate level of warmth and flame, it will be time to go to bed.  Then I have to figure out how to smother the flame, and I spend the rest of the night restless and unable to sleep, fearful that some sneaky ember is going to escape and burn my house down.  Maybe I’m paranoid, but I don’t need that kind of stress when I’m trying to create a cozy atmosphere.  Kind of defeats the purpose, no?

The Heat Surge provides the ambience of a glowing fire without the hazards.  Even though the Heat Surge puts out over 4600 BTUs at its highest setting, it remains safe to the touch.  It flickers like a fire, but without the dangers of fire, and it is easily portable, allowing you to warm any room instantly without wasting money heating empty rooms.

Part of the appeal of the Heat Surge is the beautiful mantle, carefully constructed by Amish craftsmen.  The Heat Surge doesn’t look like an ordinary portable heater; rather, it has the decorative appearance of a real fireplace.

Heat Surge, iHeater, and Twin Draft Guard Combat Winter Utility Bills

The Heat Surge is not the only bill-busting infomercial heater.  If you want a portable heater that features safety and a high heat output, but don’t need the Amish craftsmanship or ambience of a real fireplace, the iHeater may be the best heating option for you.  The iHeater uses energy efficient quartz infrared technology  to heat up to 1,000 square feet for only pennies a day.  Maximize the warmth, energy efficiency, and money saving capabilities of either the Heat Surge Electric Fireplace or the iHeater by eliminating drafts around doors and windows with the Twin Draft Guard.  Use the easy-to-install Twin Draft Guard to keep cold winter air out (a must with our recent blizzard conditions) and keep the warm air generated by your Heat Surge or iHeater inside.

With most of the nation under a deep freeze, with skyrocketing utility costs, and with poor economic conditions, now is the perfect time to save money and conserve energy with a safe, effective portable heater.  You shouldn’t have to burn money to stay warm this winter, and with the Heat Surge Flamess Electric Fireplace and the iHeater, you don’t have to.

Electrifying Buns Courtesy of the Flex Mini

Although it is fun to take a look back at some of the more popular, amusing, or confusing infomercial products in As Seen On TV history, it is also important to take a look at what is hot now.  Today on Way Back Wednesday, we are going to introduce a new SeenOnTV Express blog feature:  What’s New Wednesday.  What’s New Wednesday will alternate with Way Back Wednesday posts, bringing the blog a mixture of old and new infomercial products.  Although this week kicks off our new What’s New Wednesday series, we could also easily have called today’s feature “Way Backside Wednesday” as we look at the hottest thing in butt-sculpting since Buns of Steel:  The Flex Mini.

The Flex Mini is the latest Electronic Muscle Stimulation (EMS) toning device from the makers of the Flex Belt.  EMS has come a long way since its early days, as described in our post about Dr. Ho’s Muscle Massager.  EMS devices no longer look like something used for shock therapy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, but they are instead safe, effective tools for sculpting and toning the muscles.

The Flex Mini Revolutionizes Butt Workouts

Before the Flex Mini, sculpting, toning, and shaping the gluteal muscles required heavy exercise of the large muscle groups of the lower body.  Squats, stiff legged deadlifts, and lunges were de rigueur for a tight rear view, until various lower body sculpting infomercial products such as the Thigh Glider and 3 Minute Legs offered an easier way.  With the Flex Mini, though, your butt gets an effective workout without the traditional workout.  In fact, you can get intense muscle stimulation while you go about your daily routine.

The Flex Mini is discreet and comfortable.

The Flex Mini is medical grade, yet can be worn comfortably under clothes.  In just thirty minutes with the Flex Mini, the muscles of your butt and the backs of your upper thighs will get targeted stimulation, simulating the contractions of traditional, weight-bearing lower body exercises.  In fact, in a clinical study, 100% of Flex Mini users said the product worked for sculpting and toning the rear.  Furthermore, the Flex Mini is FDA cleared as a Class II medical toning device, proving that EMS for consumer use has truly evolved.

AP/Ariel Hankin

Fairwell to Fitness Legend Jack LaLanne

The legendary fitness guru who once joked, “”I can’t afford to die. It would wreck my image,” recently passed away at the age of 96.  On Sunday, January 23, 2011, wellness expert Jack LaLanne died of respiratory failure as a result of pneumonia.  LaLanne was a leader in promoting and popularizing fitness and wellness,  and is credited by numerous celebrities as the reason they adopted a fit, healthy lifestyle.

LaLanne used his enthusiasm and his understanding of wellness to encourage others and to bring exercise out of the gym and into the living rooms of the common man–and woman–as early as the 1950′s.  Jack LaLanne said, “The only way you can hurt the body is not use it. Inactivity is the killer and, remember, it’s never too late.”  The unassuming man proved this time and again through feats of strength and fitness that would amaze his audience and help spread his message.   According to an Associated Press obituary listed on Yahoo! News, LaLanne performed 1,000 pushups in 23 minutes on the show You Asked For It–at the age of 43.  When he was 60, he swam from Alcatraz Island to Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco.  If successfully swimming more than a mile through the choppy, frigid water (seasonal temperatures in the Bay range from 46-73 degrees) weren’t enough, LaLanne swam “handcuffed, shackled, and towing a boat.”

Jack LaLanne – it takes more than exercise

LaLanne’s message of health did not end with the importance of exercise.  He was a proponent of natural nutrition, focused on whole grains, lean protein, and fresh fruits and vegetables.  In fact, he made getting vital nutrients easier with the Jack LaLanne Power Juicer, one of the most successful infomercial products available.

Finally, LaLanne focused on total mind-body wellness, illustrating the power of optimism and the role of exercise and nutrition on improving one’s emotional outlook:

When asked about his intensive daily workout routine and how long he planned to keep it up, Jack LaLanne replied, “”How long are you going to keep breathing? How long do you keep eating? You just do it.”

He is survived by his wife of 51 years, Elaine LaLanne, and his three children, Dan, Jon, and Yvonne.

Jack LaLanne – you will be missed.

You know, I really can’t say enough about how much I love my Snuggie.  I mean, I spent years mocking them, until I finally got one, and now, I love it.  Really, really love it.  Love it so much that it got me to thinking about the evolution of the blanket, which led me smack into the 1970′s afghan on the back of your grandma’s couch.  You know, the afghan–loosely knitted or crocheted with bulky yarn in all manner of objectionable colors and patterns?  Like this monstrosity lovingly crafted and displayed in the Ugliest Living Room Ever:

*shudder*

As I look at that afghan and the rugs and even the throw pillows (while trying to avert my eyes from that hideous couch lest I permanentlydamage my corneas), I can’t help but think the whole shebang was handcrafted via the Knit-Wit.  The Knit Wit was a simple, easy-to-use knitting device promoted in the late 1980′s and pre-dating modern knitters like the Knifty Knitter.  With the Knit-Wit, young and old alike could quickly knit both circles AND squares and stitch them together to create the warmth-giving beauties demonstrated in this 1988 vintage infomercial:

Crafting has certainly come a long way since the 1980′s and their knitted blankets that look giant versions of the “Toilet Paper Cozy” your grandma had in her bathroom (discreet and decorative) used for covering hideous couches rather than rolls of TP.  Now, you can get professional looking crafts with ease using items like the Cricut Expression or the Slice Digital Designer.  With these crafters’ tools, you will create projects you’ll be proud to display–not time-warp blankets that belong on plastic covered couches in the living rooms of the geriatric.

Speaking of geriatric living rooms, the ugly house photo above was taken from (drumroll, please) UglyHousePhotos.com, who did a whole post dedicated to the atrocity that is the afghan blanket.

At this time of year, many people are diving headfirst into their New Year’s Resolutions.  [4BP4M9G6FRD3] Even more are giving up on those lofty goals, figuring they’ve got the next eleven months to achieve them. (To quote a friend who lit up a cigarette at 12:05 a.m. on January 1, “I said I was going to quit smoking this year. I didn’t say I was going to quit today.”)  In the spirit of the new year, I was planning to write this week’s Way Back Wednesday with a focus on vintage infomercial weight loss products or as-seen-on-TV exercise equipment.  But quite frankly, all of this thinking about fitness just makes me hungry.  When I’m hungry, all I can think of is how to get food and how to get it NOW.

And so Way Back Wednesday takes a detour.

When my search for weight loss infomercials of the 1980′s and 1990′s turned to a search for infomercial products designed for cooking convenience, I came across this “handy” device.  The Handy Peel was a kitchen glove designed to make peeling vegetables quick and easy, and I’ve got to admit, it has me wondering how I can get a hold of this product:

I do think it is funny that the effectiveness of the Handy Peel is compared with peeling with a knife, rather than and actual vegetable peeler, like the Titan Peeler.

I think the Handy Peel introduced other “hands-on” methods of cooking.  I mean, why mess with extra kitchen utensils and tools, when you can just handle the food directly?  The Ove Glove eliminates the bulk of traditional oven mitts and hot pads, leaving you with the manual dexterity to adroitly pull your pans from the oven without burning yourself or dumping your freshly baked dinner on the floor. The Grill Glove is another way to make cooking easier by skipping the middleman and leaving your tongs and spatulas in the drawer.  Just grab and flip the meat on your grill; the heat-resistant silicone gloves are sanitary and safe.

Now if they could just invent a glove that would load the dishwasher, I’d be set.