One of the really, really hard things about working for a company that offers As Seen On TV products is that you want to buy almost everything you see.  We’ve discussed before how infomercial products are designed to fill a need that you may not have even realized you had, so when I see a product that solves any dilemma in my life, or that looks fun, or that will make things easier, or . . . well, I just want it.  A lot.

Of course, money does not, in fact, grow on trees, so I have really worked to curb my impulse spending.  Instead buying the things that I oh-my-goodness-have-to-have-now, I have started keeping a mental As Seen On TV wishlist.  Here are some of my top picks on infomercial products that I desperately want (and will only be able to refrain from buying for so long):

1. The Instyler – Smooth, shiny, and bouncy hair?  Eliminate frizzies in less time?  Straight hair that isn’t smashed flat and limp?  Using one tool to curl or straighten?  Who wouldn’t love this?!  Sign me up.
2. The Flex Mini – Okay, seriously.  A butt workout without working out.  A lunge-free and squat-free way to get firm thighs and rounded glutes.  It’s on.
3. Big Top Cupcake – I don’t honestly know why I want this so badly.  I just do.  I think it would be fun to make these for my son’s birthday parties.  Or maybe it’s just the idea of a ginormous cupcake sounds so heavenly.
4. Luminess Airbrush Tan – I was raised in the era of the “healthy glow” by a mother who ingrained in me that “tan fat looks better than white fat,” but am now forced to face the facts about the sun’s damaging properties.  With an airbrush tan, maybe I could have that sunkissed look I love without those pesky wrinkles and melanoma.
5. Gyro Bowl – I have a toddler.  End of story.

Of course, this is an incomplete list of Stuff I Want.  I pretty much want every Beachbody exercise DVD program and all of the plants that let me grow my own cherries/blueberries/peppers/insert-produce-here at home.  As long as I’m doing this, I know my As Seen On TV wishlist will continue to grow like grass on a Canada Green lawn.

On a side note, a few of the products to which I’ve already succumbed include Strap Perfect, Kangaroo Keeper, Emery Cat, Snuggie, and Bare Lifts–all of which have been well worth it!

What’s on your infomercial wishlist?

Last week I wrote about how the warmer has got me really feeling the pressure to get fit, tan, and hairless before donning a sundress, shorts, tank tops, or *gasp* swimsuit.  With the help of seen-on-tv hair removers, the smooth part is coming into play, but I don’t yet have the energy, will power, or stamina to conquer the fit part.  That leaves me with getting a tan without destroying my skin.  Although I love to bask in the sun, it’s not yet warm enough to do so.  I’d like to have that sun-kissed glow before actually having my legs make an appearance.  I don’t want to spend two weeks blinding the neighbors with the glare off my pasty skin before a natural tan develops.  Also, I don’t want to look like this:

It’s okay.  You can go scrub your eyes out with bleach.  I’ll wait.

Now, I have a feeling that tan had its beginnings in the Eighties, when baby oil and aluminum foil were the way to get a golden, ultra-dark tan.  You know, like this most Famous Tan of All:

The evolution of the tan is interesting.  Originally, tanned skin was a sign of being poor and having to work hard.  Bonnets and hats protected faces from the ravages of the sun.  Later, a tan was a sign of a life of leisure and of good, sporty health.  But after years of baking their skin in the sun, people began to see damage from aging, spots, wrinkles, and skin cancer.  Suddenly, a tan didn’t seem so healthy . . . but it still looked good:

Why, yes, that IS me in the picture.  Funny you should ask.

(Okay.  That was a lie.)

As an effort to tan safely, people turned to salon and at home tanning beds–until they realized the same damaging rays are in electronic tans.  This early 1980′s era at home tanner is an example of the misguided measures people took to get a sunless tan:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiqkpcEL6JA

Fortunately, sunless tanning has developed (pardon the pun).  From damaging electronic tans to frighteningly orange self-tanner creams, we have evolved to smoothly applied, non-streaking sunless tanning lotions and even airbrush tans and spray tans for a natural glow, minus the orange, tanned palms that are the telltale sign of a fake bake.

Of course, infomercial sunless tanners have found a way to make sunless tanning at home easier and more effective than ever.  Solerra Tanning Mitts save your palms and give you a mess-free way to easily apply your self tanner.  For an airbrush tan without salon prices, try Luminess Airbrush Tan.

As I countdown to spring, I’ll have smooth, golden skin.  I guess I’m running out of time to get started on the whole “fit” part of it.  I don’t guess it will matter how tan and hairless I am if I look like this in my bathing suit:

Oh, never mind.  All the pictures I found would make you use up all of your bleach.  Just imagine an open can of biscuit dough shoved into a bikini.

Next week — Spring Fever III:  Fit for the Beach

Today’s workouts for men are all about working hard and getting ripped.   The hottest–and hardest–workouts include boot camp workouts, P90x, and Insanity.  The infomercials for these video exercise programs show men dripping with sweat, groaning in agony, and pushing themselves to the limit in order to get the lean, muscular, rippling body I enjoy ogling they want.

But things were not always so difficult for all of these poor men in pursuit of fitness.  Enter the manliest man of them all–Richard Simmons.  Our dear Richard is generally known for cavorting around with the ladies, dancing with them on stage in malls all across America, giving them the confidence to be seen in public “Sweatin’ to the Oldies.”  But Richard knew that men were not immune to the perils of low self-esteem from a less than stellar body.  Because a full THIRTY FIVE PERCENT of his letters come from men, he decided to create a program to help these poor men achieve weight loss results without resorting to grueling, painful workouts.

Enter “Farewell to Fat.”  Today’s seen on TV workout videos are all about feeling the burn and taking your workout to the extreme, and the titles prove it.  TurboFire and Chalean Extreme are only two examples that showwomen aren’t immune to this phenomenon of working out until you drop.  But with Farewell to Fat, the title reflects the softer side of working out.  You can practically see Richard’s wrist a-fluttering as he waves buh-bye to that unwelcome fat.  “Toodle-oo and farewell, fat, old friend!”

With Farewell to Fat, Richard Simmons invited men into his world of booty-shakin’ workouts.  Mall stages weren’t just for women anymore:

Richard Simmons:  The Great Equalizer

(I can’t let this post go without drawing your attention to the spectacular molestache at 0:58.)

The weather is getting cooler, but you can still get your tan on. We’ve just added the Luminess Airbrush Tanning System to our list of products.