Ah, Thanksgiving.  A time of year to enjoy time with our families and to express gratitude for all of our blessings.  For most of us, that also means indulging in huge, home-cooked meals.  Unfortunately for some of us, our dreams of plump, moist turkey are shattered, and we must consume overcooked, dried turkey-jerky a la Clark Griswold instead.

(Note:  I wanted to include the clip of the holiday dinner scene from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, but I fear it would be a violation of copyright law.  Fortunately, fearless scofflaws have posted the video here for your viewing pleasure.)

Poor Clark.  At least his over-dry turkey was not a fire hazard.  Please note these videos of people who failed to heed our warnings last year, and who tried to cook Thanksgiving dinner without the safety and convenience of a Butterball Indoor Electric Turkey Fryer.

Exhibit A:  Oven Roasted Turkey Flambe

Exhibit B:  Archimedes Meets Turkey Frying

Lest you think these are isolated incidents, just head over to YouTube and search “exploding turkey” or “turkey fryer fire.”  Apparently, these incidents are so common that there are even public service announcements and fire department demonstrations to warn people about such fire hazards.

Two leading insurers have even based commercials around the catastrophe that is Holiday Cooking.  Allstate notes, “Trouble never takes a holiday,” with its smooth-voiced baritone spokesman standing by a turkey fryer.  State Farm went all out, hiring THE William Shatner to demonstrate proper turkey frying techniques:

Even AT&T was on the exploding turkey bandwagon with this commercial:

Seriously.  Are you getting the message yet?  Cooking is DANGEROUS.  Cooking turkey for Thanksgiving can threaten your life, your home, and your eyebrows.  If you can’t rely on an expert to cook your dinner for you, rely on a product designed by experts.  Check out innovative As Seen On TV kitchen products like the Butterball turkey fryer.  Click here to see the extensive collection in our SeenOnTV Express catalog.

Last week I wrote about As Seen On TV kitchen products, and this week is more of the same–although with a twist.  Last week I talked about getting ready for holiday cooking with the Butterball Indoor Electric Turkey Fryer, but this week, I have a more pressing cooking engagement on my mind.  This weekend I’ll be throwing a birthday party.  A 40th birthday party.  Which means I’ll have to make cake.  Which means I need some As Seen On TV bakeware, pronto.  But I’ll get to that in a minute.

See, because this is a 40th birthday party, we’ve decided to go with an 80′s theme.  It’s like Halloween, only earlier and for old people.  Anyway, I’ve been trying to find ways to make this a truly memorable party, even though the guest of honor may soon begin losing his memory as he gets really, really old.

First, I need a costume.  By costume,  I mean I need to raid my clothing in storage to see if anything still fits.  I considered wearing a fitness getup like one from a 1980′s infomercial exercise video:

Then I remembered that no one wants to see me in a leotard.

I know we’re going to have an 80′s soundtrack playing all night, and so I thought one of the Time Life Music compilations might just fit the bill for our evening of New Wave, One Hit Wonders, and Hair Bands.

I thought maybe I could practice some sweet dance moves with the 1980′s infomercial break dance tutorial by Alfonso Ribeiro, “Pop and Lock:”

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPWzDsS2oaw

Then I remembered the only thing I’m likely to break is a hip.

So I’m settling for making a Pac Man cake.  I figure it can’t be to hard to mess up, right?  I mean, I bake a round cake, cut out a wedge, and frost it yellow.  What could possibly go wrong?

Except I decided that if I have a Pac Man, I need a Ghost.  So . . . okay.  I make a rectangle cake and cut it into the shape of a Pac Man Ghost, then frost it pink or blue.  Okay.  I think I’ve still got it.  No problem.

Except I decided that if I have a Pac Man and a Ghost, then I need some Power Pellets to connect them.  Why do I do this to myself?

Luckily, the Power Pellets should be about the easiest part of this cake.  Maybe even easier than Pac Man, because I can almost guarantee I won’t be able to frost it smoothly and there will be crumbs all in the icing.  Why am I convinced the Power Pellets will be so easy?  Because I’m making CAKE POPS.

Now, traditionally, cake pops or cake balls are simple but time consuming.  They involve baking a cake, crumbling it, mixing in frosting, chilling, rolling a bazillion balls, dipping, more chilling . . . you get the picture.  But even though I keep adding to my party t0-do list, I’m not one for time consuming projects.

Enter Bake Pop and Tasty Top Cake Pops.  These two new As Seen On TV cake pop baking pans will let me make perfectly round Power Pellets without any crumbling or rolling.  I can just pour the cake batter into the bakeware, bake it, and I’ll have the most enviable (and delicious) Power Pellets around.

Now–it’s off to find a crimper and some industrial strength hairspray.  It’ll be, like, totally awesome.

Finally . . . finally . . . we’ve had a break in the weather.  No longer are our temperatures reaching triple digits, but we’ve been blessed with gorgeous, sunny days with highs in the low 80s.  I’ve seen a few people jump the gun a bit and venture out in their furry boots and scarves, but these sweaty fashionistas should perhaps wait until it gets really cold–like 65–to start pulling out their winter wear.

Though it’s not quite time for winter clothes yet,Autumn is indeed just around the corner.  In fact, the first day of Fall is only two days away.  That means you only have a few days to enjoy the start of the cooler season before you have to get wrapped up in the holiday frenzy.  After all, there are only 94 days until Christmas and only 64 until Thanksgiving.  It is time to get a jump on your holiday cooking with some of the many As Seen On TV kitchen products available to make your food prep easier and your recipes more delicious.

The first holiday approaching us is Halloween, and though it doesn’t require nearly the kitchen effort of all-out-gorgefests like Thanksgiving, you will need some fun, spooky goodies if there are little ghosts and goblins running around your house.  Make show-stopping treats without turning into a witch with Tasty Top Cake Pops.  Cake pops, cake truffles, and cake balls are all the rage right now, but they are traditionally very time consuming to make.  Tasty Top Cake Pops let you make a lighter, fluffier version quickly and easily.  Just pour any batter into the Cake Pops bakeware, and perfectly round cake pops will bake.  Insert the sticks and decorate.  For Halloween, try orange frosting to make jack-o-lantern cake pops, white frosting to make ghosts or skulls, and green for a witch.  Top the witch with a “hat” made of a chocolate cookie and a chocolate kiss candy.

Once your trick-or-treaters have come and gone, it’s time to think about planning your Thanksgiving menu.  Integral to almost any American Thanksgiving dinner is a moist, tender, golden turkey.  Unfortunately, too many of us suffer through overcooked turkey, or–as I like to call it–”turkey jerky.”  Deep fried turkey has become a popular way to prepare the centerpiece of the meal, but traditionally, deep frying a turkey has been a task fraught with peril.  Hot oil and open flames, just don’t mix, as we discovered in an earlier post about exploding turkeys.

Of course, As Seen On TV cooking products come to the rescue with the Butterball Indoor Electric Turkey Fryer.  The Butterball Fryer lets you deep fry a turkey without the hazard, removing the open flame and allowing you to cook indoors.  Perfect turkey can be yours with the Butterball Indoor Turkey Fryer, sparing your guests from turkey jerky and sparing you from your mother-in-law’s snide comments about your cooking ability.

What are you waiting for?   The countdown to the holidays is well underway!

For a very special, post-holiday version of Way Back Wednesday, we’re going all the way back to last week to look closely at the perils of Thanksgiving.  While you may think that scorched sweet potatoes or being forced to endure Great Aunt Tillie’s Mystery Jello Mold may rank among the greatest dangers of Thanksgiving, such thoughts are woefully misguided.  Oh, no, my friend–the hazards are much, much more horrifying.

Enter Exhibit A:

Photo credit: ehow.com

Fortunately, until your As Seen on TV exercise videos and infomercial fitness equipment kick in, there’s the Perfect Fit Button, which our unfortunate Thanksgiving victim above clearly needs.  With the Perfect Fit Button, he could adjust his waistband to give him a little extra breathing room until January when he resolves to lose that spare tire, instead of simply walking around with his pants open like some kind of Thanksgiving pervert.  (Uncle Bill, take note.)

What’s that you say?  Gaining a few holiday pounds is not a true danger?  Well, tell that to your cardiologist, and then take a look at this holiday horror–the exploding deep fried turkey:

Strangely, this phenomenon is so common, there are even Public Service Announcements warning people against deep frying a turkey.  The number of videos of people setting their holiday meal on fire (not to mention their eyebrows) is staggering.  Luckily, there is an infomercial cooking product to save the day and keep you from looking like this in all of your family holiday photos:

From NBC's Seinfeld

The Butterball Indoor Electric Turkey Fryer is safe enough to use on your kitchen countertop, with a fill-line to keep you from overfilling your grease, which, in a traditional turkey fryer would spill over the top and onto the open flame below, thus incinerating your backyard.  Also, the Butterball Turkey Fryer has a heating element that submerges into the unit, rather using an actual fire. Thanks to Butterball, you no longer have to try to stretch your holiday meal, sans turkey, to feed the entire fire department in addition to your passel of relations–including Aunt Tillie and Uncle Bill.