It has been nearly ten months since Seen on TV Express began bringing you the Way Back Wednesday series, in which we look back at vintage infomercials and the products they marketed to television viewers.  In that time, we have looked at hair products, kitchen products, exercise equipment, fitness videos, and a slew of gizmos and gadgets designed to simplify your life.  We have even paid homage to a couple of the heroes of direct response marketing and infomercial innovations:  Billy Mays and Jack LaLanne.  We have failed, however, to bring you the origin of perhaps the most frequently used sound bite in as seen on TV marketing . . . “But wait!  There’s more!”

This ubiquitous catch phrase got its start with the iconic Ginsu knife, one of the earliest products sold through infomercial marketing. The commercial for Ginsu knives first aired in 1978, and it pulled out all the stops, setting the tone for virtually every other infomercial since.  Ad copywriter Arthur Schiff coined the classic phrase when writing the Ginsu commercial, one of the 1,800 long form commercials he wrote in a career that spanned more than thirty years.  Watch the original Ginsu commercial here, and note how many techniques and phrases are still utilized today by pitchmen including Anthony Sullivan:

Here are just a few I noticed:

• “Cultural” significance of the product (although it should be noted that Ginsu knives were made in the United States and that “Ginsu” is not a Japanese word at all, but rather one invented by Arthur Schiff–allegedly in his sleep)
• Inability to perform simple tasks without the product (of course, karate chopping a tomato is rarely effective, but note our post devoted to “doing it wrong” in infomercials.
• Using the product in ways no one would ever initially attempt (until they got the idea to chop wood with a kitchen knife from the commercial itself)
• More for less (“You get all this for only $9.99)
• And of course, “But wait!  There’s more!”

Marketing consultant John Witek, author of Response Television: Combat Advertising of the 1980s, sums it up this way:   “Ginsu had humor, demonstration, and a precisely structured series of premium offers I call ‘the lots-for-a-little approach.”  Arthur Schiff was really on to something when he wrote the Ginsu commercial.  For more than thirty years, direct response marketing has followed his model for infomercial sales techniques.

For the past few weeks, we’ve been spotlighting ways to get a prepare for the warmer weather by getting a Springalicious body (it’s a word–feel free to use it).  As women all across America are primping and pruning themselves to bare golden shoulders and smooth, tanned legs, men across our nation are drooling with anticipation.  But as their wives and their neighbors wives and that cute divorcee that just moved in down the street are prepping for swimsuit season, these men have a different type of lust on their minds–lawn lust.

For verily, the unwritten commandment, “Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Landscaping,” is being broken in households across the land.  But, lo I say unto you, fear not!  Infomercial lawn care products shall rescue you from the abyss of brown grass, patchy turf, and pernicious weeds, which are an abomination unto thy Homeowners’ Association.

There was a time when having the nicest lawn on the block required heavy, backbreaking labor and the vigilant use of a reel mower, which is, inexplicably making a comeback as a “green” alternative to finishing the yard work sometime before you die of heat stroke.

Lawn care evolution made things both easier and more difficult for Weekend Warriors in their attempt to out-green each other’s landscaping.

Notable Innovation #1:  The Riding Lawn Mower

Notable Innovation #2:  Chemical Lawn Care Services

All of the things that simplified lawn cultivation and made neighborhood yards more lush and lovely, also meant you had to work harder to keep up with Mister-I-Win-the-HOA-Beautiful-Yard-Contest-Every-Year.

Luckily, you no longer have to don a Toreador hat to get “grass with class” or hire a toothy guy wielding a chemically enhanced pogo stick to get the lawn of your dreams.

Infomercial lawn care products include not only tools to maintain a lawn, but also the necessary ingredients to get your lawn started:

• Quick Lawn promises year-round grass that is resistant to weeds, pests, and diseases, and which starts to grow in as little as one week.
• Canada Green Perfect Turf Grass is designed to be resilient, withstanding extreme temperatures ranging from -40 degrees to 120 degrees Fahrenheit.
• Patch Perfect bills itself as “like grass seed on steroids” with each seed encased in fertilizer to promote quick, hardy growth in bare patches, shade, and other areas where typical grass struggles to grow.

As seen on TV grass seed, turf patches, and fertilizers can give you a beautiful, weed-free yard that will be the envy of your neighbors–and might induce their Springalicious wives to show up at your next barbecue baring–er, bearing potato salad and brownies.

Smooth, tan, hairless legs?  Check.  Toned, shapely legs?  Mm . . . not so check.  As my get-ready-for-Spring plan develops, I’m now saddled with the part I like the least.  Working out.  Time to get a beach body before I have to actually hit the beach.  Or the kiddie pool in my back yard.  Whatever.

Now, I know that working out releases endorphins, improves energy, promotes cardiovascular health, boosts metabolism, builds muscle, and all that good stuff, but the truth is, well, I’m really pretty lazy.  Some people enjoy working out, some people work out for better health, but me?  I work out so I can eat cupcakes and still button my pants.  Of course, with as seen on TV products like the Big Top Cupcake,  I may have to step up the workouts a little more (or buy the Perfect Fit Button, whichever).

In the SeenOnTV Express neck of the woods, Spring Break will be here next week.  That means that it is just a matter of moments, practically, until I will be forced to publicly unveil my legs below the knee (even possibly *gasp* above the knee) and my batwing arms will be displayed for the world as the tank tops come out of storage.  Because of the rapidly impending fabulous weather, I need a fitness program that works and works fast.

This?  This ain’t going to cut it:

I mean, sure, I could cover my calves and ankles with leg warmers, put a thick leather belt on over my briefs to try to camouflage my waist, and divert the eye of the beholder with the sheer height of my hair, but that would be cheating, right?

(And oh-my-goodness, is that guy wearing spandex capris?!)

As much as I dislike working out, I hate working out ineffectively even more.  If I’m going to go to the effort of exerting myself in any manner, I want to feel like I’ve accomplished something, I want to look like I’ve accomplished something, and I want to see results fast.  Luckily, Beachbody Fitness understands that some of us don’t want wimpy, spandex-wielding, 80′s style bending and stretching.  Instead, we want hardcore workouts with hardcore results.  P90X is designed to give you an amazing transformation in just 90 days (in other words, by the time summer vacation hits).  Insanity is a high-intensity total body conditioning program created by expert Shaun T. to give you amazing results in only 60 days.  For those intimidated by P90X and Insanity, Shaun T. brings Hip Hop Abs, because dancing sounds a lot more fun than a workout so intense you have to be “insane” to try it.  Beachbody trainer Chalene Johnson leads ChaLEAN Extreme and TurboFire–personally, I’m leaning toward one of these two fitness programs.

For those of you who spend your workouts calling on a Higher Power to help you through (and with these intense Beachbody programs, that includes me) Beachbody also offers BodyGospel, combining spiritual and physical fitness.

Now, if I can just get the motivation to actually get off the couch and DO the workouts, instead of sitting on the couch and writing about them, I may just be able to take my legs from this:

to this:

Help me get a beach body, Beachbody!

Last week I wrote about how the warmer has got me really feeling the pressure to get fit, tan, and hairless before donning a sundress, shorts, tank tops, or *gasp* swimsuit.  With the help of seen-on-tv hair removers, the smooth part is coming into play, but I don’t yet have the energy, will power, or stamina to conquer the fit part.  That leaves me with getting a tan without destroying my skin.  Although I love to bask in the sun, it’s not yet warm enough to do so.  I’d like to have that sun-kissed glow before actually having my legs make an appearance.  I don’t want to spend two weeks blinding the neighbors with the glare off my pasty skin before a natural tan develops.  Also, I don’t want to look like this:

It’s okay.  You can go scrub your eyes out with bleach.  I’ll wait.

Now, I have a feeling that tan had its beginnings in the Eighties, when baby oil and aluminum foil were the way to get a golden, ultra-dark tan.  You know, like this most Famous Tan of All:

The evolution of the tan is interesting.  Originally, tanned skin was a sign of being poor and having to work hard.  Bonnets and hats protected faces from the ravages of the sun.  Later, a tan was a sign of a life of leisure and of good, sporty health.  But after years of baking their skin in the sun, people began to see damage from aging, spots, wrinkles, and skin cancer.  Suddenly, a tan didn’t seem so healthy . . . but it still looked good:

Why, yes, that IS me in the picture.  Funny you should ask.

(Okay.  That was a lie.)

As an effort to tan safely, people turned to salon and at home tanning beds–until they realized the same damaging rays are in electronic tans.  This early 1980′s era at home tanner is an example of the misguided measures people took to get a sunless tan:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiqkpcEL6JA

Fortunately, sunless tanning has developed (pardon the pun).  From damaging electronic tans to frighteningly orange self-tanner creams, we have evolved to smoothly applied, non-streaking sunless tanning lotions and even airbrush tans and spray tans for a natural glow, minus the orange, tanned palms that are the telltale sign of a fake bake.

Of course, infomercial sunless tanners have found a way to make sunless tanning at home easier and more effective than ever.  Solerra Tanning Mitts save your palms and give you a mess-free way to easily apply your self tanner.  For an airbrush tan without salon prices, try Luminess Airbrush Tan.

As I countdown to spring, I’ll have smooth, golden skin.  I guess I’m running out of time to get started on the whole “fit” part of it.  I don’t guess it will matter how tan and hairless I am if I look like this in my bathing suit:

Oh, never mind.  All the pictures I found would make you use up all of your bleach.  Just imagine an open can of biscuit dough shoved into a bikini.

Next week — Spring Fever III:  Fit for the Beach

You know, I really can’t say enough about how much I love my Snuggie.  I mean, I spent years mocking them, until I finally got one, and now, I love it.  Really, really love it.  Love it so much that it got me to thinking about the evolution of the blanket, which led me smack into the 1970′s afghan on the back of your grandma’s couch.  You know, the afghan–loosely knitted or crocheted with bulky yarn in all manner of objectionable colors and patterns?  Like this monstrosity lovingly crafted and displayed in the Ugliest Living Room Ever:

*shudder*

As I look at that afghan and the rugs and even the throw pillows (while trying to avert my eyes from that hideous couch lest I permanentlydamage my corneas), I can’t help but think the whole shebang was handcrafted via the Knit-Wit.  The Knit Wit was a simple, easy-to-use knitting device promoted in the late 1980′s and pre-dating modern knitters like the Knifty Knitter.  With the Knit-Wit, young and old alike could quickly knit both circles AND squares and stitch them together to create the warmth-giving beauties demonstrated in this 1988 vintage infomercial:

Crafting has certainly come a long way since the 1980′s and their knitted blankets that look giant versions of the “Toilet Paper Cozy” your grandma had in her bathroom (discreet and decorative) used for covering hideous couches rather than rolls of TP.  Now, you can get professional looking crafts with ease using items like the Cricut Expression or the Slice Digital Designer.  With these crafters’ tools, you will create projects you’ll be proud to display–not time-warp blankets that belong on plastic covered couches in the living rooms of the geriatric.

Speaking of geriatric living rooms, the ugly house photo above was taken from (drumroll, please) UglyHousePhotos.com, who did a whole post dedicated to the atrocity that is the afghan blanket.

At this time of year, many people are diving headfirst into their New Year’s Resolutions.  [4BP4M9G6FRD3] Even more are giving up on those lofty goals, figuring they’ve got the next eleven months to achieve them. (To quote a friend who lit up a cigarette at 12:05 a.m. on January 1, “I said I was going to quit smoking this year. I didn’t say I was going to quit today.”)  In the spirit of the new year, I was planning to write this week’s Way Back Wednesday with a focus on vintage infomercial weight loss products or as-seen-on-TV exercise equipment.  But quite frankly, all of this thinking about fitness just makes me hungry.  When I’m hungry, all I can think of is how to get food and how to get it NOW.

And so Way Back Wednesday takes a detour.

When my search for weight loss infomercials of the 1980′s and 1990′s turned to a search for infomercial products designed for cooking convenience, I came across this “handy” device.  The Handy Peel was a kitchen glove designed to make peeling vegetables quick and easy, and I’ve got to admit, it has me wondering how I can get a hold of this product:

I do think it is funny that the effectiveness of the Handy Peel is compared with peeling with a knife, rather than and actual vegetable peeler, like the Titan Peeler.

I think the Handy Peel introduced other “hands-on” methods of cooking.  I mean, why mess with extra kitchen utensils and tools, when you can just handle the food directly?  The Ove Glove eliminates the bulk of traditional oven mitts and hot pads, leaving you with the manual dexterity to adroitly pull your pans from the oven without burning yourself or dumping your freshly baked dinner on the floor. The Grill Glove is another way to make cooking easier by skipping the middleman and leaving your tongs and spatulas in the drawer.  Just grab and flip the meat on your grill; the heat-resistant silicone gloves are sanitary and safe.

Now if they could just invent a glove that would load the dishwasher, I’d be set.

Welcome to the first post of 2011!  We at Way Back Wednesday and Seen on TV Express wish you a very happy, prosperous, and fulfilling new year.

Of course, the new year brings with it a slew of resolutions, including the #1 New Year’s Resolution of all time–to lose weight and get in shape.  Gyms and fitness centers, much like my post-holiday jeans, are bursting at the seams.  Even though the crowds will thin much more quickly than the actual gym patrons themselves, adults of this generation are more fitness conscious than ever before, shaped by a childhood that emphasized activity and exercise.  Whereas America today is plagued by an epidemic of childhood obesity, the 1980′s encouraged fitness among children.  Just check out these gender-specific workout kits seen on TV in the era that first made leg warmers hot.

For the girls was Get in Shape Girl, with five different exercise kits to choose from:

Now, I remember that the Way Back Little Sister had the ribbon gymnastics kit, and she runs actual half-marathons and stuff–for fun–so I’m sure this early introduction to fitness had an impact on her future dedication to staying in shape.

(Note:  I tried a half-marathon once.  It was most assuredly NOT fun.)

For the boys, there is no better way to bulk up than with the help of WWF (pre-WWE) superstar Hulk Hogan:

I must admit, I’m a bit confused as to why Hulk Hogan’s Hulkamania Workout Set was promoted by Mr. Wonderful, Paul Orndorff, rather than the Hulkster himself, but that is a mystery that may never be solved.

What do these workout kits have in common?  Wall posters, cassette tapes, and–most importantly–sweatbands and wristbands!  You simply cannot get a good workout without elasticized terry cloth strapped around your head and arms.  It’s a fact.

Moving on from Kid Fitness – The Flex Belt, Gym Flex, Total Gym and others provide options for Adults

These days, Hulk Hogan has moved from the gym to the kitchen with his Hulk Hogan Ultimate Grill, but those of us who grew up on kiddie workouts can maintain our fitness lifestyles with today’s workout equipment for adults.  That old step from your Jane Fonda step aerobics video has been reinvented as the GymFlex, which converts from a step to a bench to an incline and contains straps, attachments, bars, and handles for a total body strength training workout.  The Total Gym also allows you to strengthen and tone your entire body at home, giving you an effective workout while allowing you to avoid the hoards of New Years Resolutioners that will hog all the treadmills and exercise machines at the local gym.  Finally, the FDA-cleared Flex Belt allows you to maximize your results by toning your abs even when you aren’t actively working out.

Of course, if your workout style is more Mr. Belvedere than Mr. Wonderful, there’s always the Perfect Fit Button and Pajama Jeans to get you through until next year’s New Year’s Resolutions come knocking.

With New Year’s Resolutions for fitness and weight loss quickly approaching, it is time for most of us to go on that final holiday calorie splurge just before we have to dust off the Total Gym or Bowflex or pop P90x into the DVD player in an effort to incinerate our fat and fit back into our pre-holiday pants.

Before we can think about how we can get fit quickly, however, we have to consider how to obtain maximum caloric overload in minimal time.  I mean, after all, once January 1 hits, we will never eat anything bad for us again.  NEVER.  I mean it this time!!

Now, if we still lived in the 1980′s, before we popped a Jane Fonda workout tape in the VCR (or BetaMax) we could make simple, yet tasty snacks–even “apple pie” in as little as two minutes with the SuperSnacker?

How do I know the SuperSnacker is the perfect snack-making appliance?  Everyone’s favorite butler, Mr. Belvedere, told me so.

(Cue theme music.)

Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t equate flaky pie crust with toast.  I’m pretty sure if I brought apple pie filling stuffed between two slices of toast to our Christmas dinner and called it “apple pie,” the “hungry hooligans” in our family would run me out of town.  And if I said it was “just like mom used to make,” I’d be kicked out of the family forever–and I can’t remember my mom ever making an apple pie.

The “Supah Snackah,” as Mr. Belvedere* so aggressively calls it, is for so much more than Apple Toast Pie, though:

Now, I’m not thinking I’d use my SuperSnacker for making eggs or muffins, but I do think that this kind of infomercial kitchen product was a predecessor of modern conveniences like the Hulk Hogan Ultimate Grill.  Indoor countertop grills are so common now that I don’t know how I ever lived without one.   I’m just not sure I’d ever use it for pie.

At least, not in the new year.

I mean it this time.

*I know Mr. Belvedere has a real name.  It’s Christopher Hewett.  But let’s face it–if I called him that, would you have the faintest idea who I was talking about?

The holidays are fast approaching–only two more shopping days until Christmas!  At the Way Back Wednesday home, we’ve handled the gift-buying largely by avoiding the malls and ordering online, and we’ve commenced celebrating by watching scores of children’s holiday movies with Way Little Wednesday.   The combination of these two has been ultra-convenient, as whenever I see an infomercial for an as seen on TV product that will be great for someone on my shopping list, I just pop open the laptop, head over to SeenOnTV Express, and my shopping is taken care of, without ever leaving the couch or missing a minute of our Christmas Film Festival.

Speaking of Christmas movies, last week we talked about how no one does Christmas music quite like Time Life.  However, Time Life doesn’t just do music; they have some of the best video collections as well.  Radio City Christmas Spectacular featuring the Rockettes is one example of how Time Life Music and Video brings a Christmas phenomenon right into your home.

Kids’ Christmas videos is another area in which they excel.  This year, Mr. Way Back Wednesday and I decided that we can’t just wait to happen upon our favorite Christmas movies–we need to buy the DVDs so that Way Little Wednesday can watch them whenever he wants.  Finding all the children’s Christmas classics was a little more difficult–and expensive–than we had anticipated.  We should have realized that Time Life (and a time machine) would have had the perfect solution:

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman are two of my personal favorites.  In fact, they are destined to become favorites of Way Little as well.  Today, after watching Frosty, Way Little exclaimed, “Again!”

From all of us at Way Back Wednesday and SeenOnTV Express, have a “Holly Jolly Christmas:”

For the last few decades, Time Life music has created some of the best music compilations available.  Before MP3 playlists, and even before the mix tape, Time Life was taking your favorite songs and putting them together on one LP.  As music trends–and formats–have changed, TimeLife music has evolved.

One thing that hasn’t changed, is the quality of their holiday albums.  While an occasional new Christmas song hits the airwaves, generally, Christmas is about the classics.  The following TimeLife infomercial shows that, while hairdos change, nostalgic Christmas tunes never go out of style: